People will happily tell you their birth stories but no one never mentions what happens after you’ve given birth. If someone ever tells you ’it’s all over with once you have your baby’ they’re liars. The Aftermath of birth is the worst part of pregnancy.
1. Postpartum bleeding
The proper name for this delightful waterfall of blood is lochia and its as delightful as it sounds honestly. If you thought your baby would be the only thing wearing a nappy you were wrong. You’ll feel super attractive after giving birth wearing a huge adult version of a nappy. Tena claim these pad pants are discreet, they lied.
Tips: Witch hazel on a pad especially if you have stitches = heaven.
2. Don’t look down
I know I’m not the only one to do this, but curiosity got the better of me. DO NOT LOOK AT YOUR FAIRY.
It’ll look like a swollen pair if battered testicles, I’ll save you the horror.
Tips: Sit in the bath and have plenty of them, add antibacterial in if you’ve had stitches it makes healing 10x faster.
3. Jelly belly
Surprisingly you don’t jump back straight away after you’ve popped out a baby… Unless you’re lucky or a celeb. Your belly basically turns into a human hot water bottle under your shirt.
Tip:Baby weight will gradually go down without you noticing. Lifting a baby and pushing a pram does wonders to get it down.
4. Baby blues
Day three the famous day for having an absolute breakdown. It’s a huge rollercoaster of emotions, one minute you’ll be super happy then next you’ll be happy crying cause your baby is adorable and you just cannot deal with the cuteness to then finding yourself giving up on life completely because the smallest of things have gone wrong. Unless you’ve spilled breastmilk you’ve just pumped… That’s no fun and defiantly worth crying over.
5. Boobs turn into Niagra falls
Your nipples are now milk taps and if you choose to breastfeed congratulations you’re now a human cow. The first week your little human will constantly be attached to your boob and when they’re not on the boob and you finally get some sleep expect to wake up drowning in your own milk.
6. Hard boobs
Boobs may look great like you’ve had a boob job but they do not feel great. Miss a feed during breastfeeding and you’ll know how painful it is, that is all.
If you’re not drowning in your own milk you might be drowning in your own sweat. Thanks to hormones you’ve basically hit menopause early.
8. The first toilet trip
It’s terrifying especially if your brain made you forget how to wee during birth. You try hold it in but you have to get it over with eventually, me personally didn’t find either bad but its definitely tender and stingy for both ends.
Tips: Bend forward when you wee and stay hydrated.
9. Say goodbye to your dignity Pretty much every midwife and nurse has seen your vagina or boobs.
Its grim and pretty scary seeing the size of some clots you pass.
Tip:Anything bigger then a 50p should be checked.
Postpartum – its a no from me.