You’ve thought about this moment for 9 months , you’ve tried to prepare yourself. Done research , attended antenatal classes the lot!

But giving birth is nothing like you expect and neither is postpartum . So here’s an A-Z guide;

A- Aftershock

Doesn’t happen to everyone but it’s common and it happened to me, it can make you go white as a ghost , unable to move or talk. You might not even realise you’re in aftershock.

B- Bleeding

Well in a way it’s expected no matter how you’ve given birth but then you’ve got to cope with bleeding for weeks after . It’s kind of like your body’s way of making up for those 9 months without a period.

C – Cuts and stitches

You can graze , cut and tear on childbirth. You won’t feel it at the time but stitches few hours after are tender.

D – Dignity

Leave that at the door of the maternity ward , you’ll be losing it all and you won’t even care.

E – Entonox

Two words – good shit

F – Fathers

If they’re involved they can be pretty useful sometimes. If not you’ll probably want to kill him during labour and repeat over and over again how this is all his fault and you never want to do it again.

G- Groaning

You’ll make noises you won’t aware you could make.

H – How much ?

How dilated you are to how much longer is this going to take will be in one of your questions.

I – Internal examinations

You get a lot of them. It’s not pleasant.

J – Jelly belly

After having your baby you won’t ‘bounce back’ straight away your belly will still look like a bump but instead of being hard it’s now jelly like.

K – Kegals

Remember to do them. Otherwise every time you laugh or sneeze you’ll have tears running down your leg.

L- Laundry

During your nesting period , cleaning and folding baby clothes was one of your favourite hobbies. Just you wait, that novelty soon wears off and you’ll be sick of seeing baby grows as well as the rest of the huge pile of washing you got to get through.

M – Mitts

Look adorable and stop your baby from scratching their face… ha wrong they’re useless they won’t stay on.

Tip: get babygrows/sleepsuits with mitts attached.

N – No more privacy

That’s now gone , you’ll now bath and pee with an audience.

O – Oxytocin

The love hormone. You’ll have this after birth and every time you breastfeed to help your let down.

P – Placenta

This seems to shock people but amazingly you have to give birth to your placenta. No it doesn’t hurt , if anything it feels like jelly.

Q – Questions

Don’t be afraid to ask questions , that’s what your doctors and midwives are there for.

R – Recovery

Worst then birth , just because it’s pain that won’t go away. It’s so uncomfortable. Especially to sit down.

S – SIDS

This will be drilled into you at antenatal classes, by your midwifes and your health visitor.

Link; https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/

T – TENS Machine

Extremely relaxing when no one can be arsed to give you a constant massage… not so much when you’re 9cm dilated.

U – Umbilical cord

It’s fascinating but disgusting and strange all at the same time , but once it falls off you’ll be so tempted to keep it. (Jonny didn’t let me keep Logan’s 😩)

V – Vitamin K

One of your babies first injections normally given a few hours after birth if you agree to it.

It’s given to help blood to clot.

W – Wee

You’ll be wee’d on a lot in the first few weeks , especially if you have a boy be prepared for the fountains as soon as you open the nappy.

Y – You

You’re now a mother. You’ll feel like a different person.

Z – Zzz

Get plenty of sleep, make the most of the midwives help and your family and friends offers to give you a hand. The first few weeks are draining.