I haven’t got a clue who you are at this age and quite honestly I don’t think I care right now.
My mum is writing this letter because obviously, I’m not that talented to write just yet…or talk. I can scream and babble which is pretty much the same thing.
So, Santa because I’ve been such a GOOD boy this year here’s what I want for Christmas.
Please can I have some wires? You know the ones for the laptop, the Xbox and my Mummy’s phone. Well, just an electrical appliance cord really I’m not too fussy, just as long as I can chew it because my mum likes to tell me off every time I try, I don’t understand why it’s obviously an entertaining toy for me, silly women.
2. A phone
Right okay, so I already have a phone. But it has four buttons and a cat and dog on it for Christ sake. We’re in 2018 I need the latest device, specifically my mum’s phone. No one’s phone tastes as good as my mums. I also need to get them selfie skills mastered, can’t do that with my plastic detachable phone off my walker can I? No. In fact I don’t even know where it is. So perfect excuse to gift me my mums phone isn’t it Santa?
I don’t know what it is Santa, but I just love glasses. I don’t need them or want to wear them or anything cause that’s just silly! Obviously, glasses are made to be dribbled and to chew on. So I need some.
4. The dog’s food
If the dog has it, I want it. You see Charlie and I have a great relationship where we like to share you see. She waits under my highchair and I feed her all the bits I don’t like, especially my greens cause Ew. My mum and dad think I like them I definitely do not. I also like to share her toys, she stole my ball so I took hers. It’s only fair. Actually can you add dog toys to the list too please? My mum and dad like to stop me, which is funny really because they want to bring me up to share. Well how can I when you stop me sharing with the dog? Double standards.
5. This thing protecting the fire
I don’t know the name of it, but it surrounds the fire and its super fun to play with. It has hurt me the once when I trapped my fingers but it’s okay, I still enjoy playing with it, no one else in the house lets me though because soon as I get close I get ‘LOGAN NO, DON’T YOU DARE‘… I don’t really understand what no means so I still do it but soon get moved to a different part of the room.
6. Unlimited baby wipes
These are not to wipe my bum, or my hands and face. I don’t know why my mum uses it for that and I hate it. I like to let her know by screaming the house down. Anyway they’re super fun to play with, I like to drag them all out and scatter them all over the room, sometimes my mum and Nana think I’m cute by helping them clean the house. I don’t know what cleaning is but it sure makes my Mum happy.
7. Plug Sockets
It has holes and I love to try sticking my fingers into them, because that’s how to use them right? It just really fascinates me, especially when that light up thing is in the holes! I just want to touch it. My mum also says the word ‘No’ to this and then moves me away. I’m 10-months old what does this word mean, I only understand boobie and food and dog because that’s all that matters to me. As well as plug sockets…wires and everything else I’m not allowed to touch.
There’s enough TV’s in the house I know, but I need my own okay? You see Cbeebies is cool for a whole minute of my attention without needing to touch the screen but Emmerdale? I need to be up super close and touch them pretty colours okay. My mum says ‘LOGAN NO, GET YOUR DIRTY HANDS OFF THE TV.. DON’T YOU DARE PUSH IT. ‘ don’t see what her issue is I’m only getting the best seat in the house to watch it.
Doors are just so much fun, it moves, I can chew them, it makes noise. So obviously a great toy for a boy like me! This maybe a cheeky request but can it be the door from Granddad’s? It makes a funny noise and I need it. Please.
10. Cardboard boxes
I’m sure I’ve got lots of toys this year but I don’t want them, I may play with them for like 2 minutes but everything else is more interesting. However, the boxes the toys come in. Yeah, I’ll have lots of them! I can annoy my mum and dad by scratching on them and trying to eat them. I can also crawl in and out of them which is so fun!
So Big man, I’ve been a good boy and hope to see these gifts under the tree if I don’t pull it down.
My mum said she’ll leave a carrot, cookie and some milk out for you but no promises as I’ll probably eat it before you do. All food is my food.
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