The Dreaded First Trimester: A Pregnancy Diary

So now the secrets out I can share my little diary I’ve been keeping! I never did this with Logan but I so wish I did.

It’s something I can vent too when I’m hormonal and look back on in the future, probably cringing away to myself…urgh.
I can also see how different this pregnancy was to my first.

So it’s the 15th October 2018, I don’t know why but I just had the urge to take a test, I haven’t missed a period just yet but my gut just told me to take one. So I went upstairs and did the test without anyone knowing, thinking nothing of it expecting negative because its far too early. I left it on the side and distracted myself by tidying the room a bit.

Two minutes had passed but honestly it felt like much longer I took a look and squinted and and tilted my head in all directions. I wasn’t too sure if it was a line so went back into the bathroom where I had better lighting and that’s when I knew for sure.

I had all ideas in the world on how to announce to Jonny that he’s going to be a dad again. I was going to make him go around the village with little clues eventually leading to the test but I just got too excited and texted him to come upstairs and help tidy the room.

Soon as he came up I went ‘erm you know how Harry and Megan announced their pregnancy today?’

‘Yeah’

‘Well, erm same’ and handed him the test.

He did the exact same face as me to try see the line but didn’t take as long, he gave me a massive hug and said to take another in a few days.

Feelings:
Well, it was no huge shock or surprise this time like it was with Logan as this baby was actually planned! We agreed to let me enjoy my 21st birthday first and then we will try for another baby. (I know some of you will think we’re crazy but we wanted to have them close in age, we also thought it’d take a while for me to conceive!) So since August we’ve been trying which isn’t that long really but in September I did sulk cause I was gutted to see my period. However, I just had a huge feeling I’d conceive whilst out in Turkey! That’s another baby we’ve made whilst out the country. I feel like we’re making a theme here, good job I had no intentions of naming them after the places we conceived in๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ˜‚

Anyway how did I feel seeing that second line appear… BLOODY EXCITED. I’m so so happy to be able to go through pregnancy again. I hope it’s goes as smooth as my first time!

October 16th
Well, I couldn’t resist and had to get another as soon as I woke up, so I rushed round to the shop and bought myself a test and a big box of Weetos. I had a really bad craving for them that just wouldn’t go away, I’ve never actually craved something so bad in my life before so I already feel like this pregnancy is going differently and I’m only 4 weeks! I’m also not a huge fan of Weetos so this is strange.

So here’s today’s test result. I don’t need to squint this time!

Feelings:
I’m so so tired, I have no energy and just want to nap all the time. I went to bed before 8 which is unusual for me and slept 12 hours.
Emotions wise I’m still pretty happy.

October 18th
I’ve taken another test and it’s so much darker, which has gotten me more excited. I can now understand the obsession with taking so many tests when trying for a baby!

I do keep feeling nauseous, especially at night time. My energy levels are so low! I also can’t stop weeing. I never had this with Logan.

October 25th
I haven’t done an update in a few days and that’s simply because not a lot of change is happening or I’m asleep constantly. Energy levels are still low, I go to sleep for 8pm! This isn’t like me at all.

Symptoms are coming and going, my cravings have calmed down but I’m now fussy with my food. I can be starving and then start eating and half way through decided I can’t stand the taste. It’s bloody irritating but I’m sure it’ll pass. Chocolate and crisps still taste good though especially together.

Hormones, I’ve noticed I’ve become quite snappy and extra sassy. No surprise, if I’m like how I was last year then god help everyone around me cause once my mouth starts ranting I can’t stop.

Breastfeeding is starting to become challenging now, my boobs are starting to hurt so much but I’ve got to grit my teeth through it because Logan doesn’t want to be weaned off.

October 26th
Hormones have hit in full force today at 3 this morning. I can’t sleep and have nothing but negative thoughts.

Which have now continued throughout the day, I’m trying to hide it by acting happy but I’m not. I’m losing interest in things I enjoy and I also feel like I’m completely invisible.

It never occurred to me before in how sensitive I really am deep down, I don’t care about keeping myself to myself usually but right now I’m feeling lonely, I hardly see friends, I’m struggling to make new ones even if I am attending baby groups to try and socialise. I’m feeling extremely out of place and along with that I’m starting to feel disconnected from this pregnancy. Some may be reading this and thinking ‘stfu you’re two minutes pregnant’ because I sometimes think that myself. But it seems all a bit too strange, I pretty much bonded with Logan shortly after finding out I was pregnant but this time I haven’t yet, maybe it’s too early, I don’t know but I sure as hell hope this negative and numb feeling disappears because it’s honestly draining all my energy. I hate feeling depressed.

Feeling like this hasn’t come on great day either as Logan had a bit of an accident today and I’m still feeling ridiculously guilty about it even though he’s fine in himself. I guess getting the blame in heat of the accident has gone straight to my head cause I’m now questioning my parenting ability and wondering if I’m even ready or good enough for a second child if I can see my first get hurt. Which is completely ridiculous but I can’t stop my mind from thinking that way.

4th November
Since my depressive episode my hormones have calmed down a little bit. I’m still feeling sick pretty much every day at every hour, I’ve not actually been sick yet thankfully.

I’ve not been eating well, I’m lucky to have two meals a day because I have no appetite. Unless it’s 1 in the morning and I have a strong craving for sweets! That’s about it.

Frosties have been my best friend at breakfast at the moment because it does ease off my sickness and gives me a little bit of an energy boost.

But moving on from how I feel, I need to share some news. I received some good news today after a shitty few days of disappointment which I won’t go into.

I CAN HAVE SOME BRIE AT CHRISTMAS.

I love brie. Brie and Camembert at Christmas are a must and been pregnant for a second year in a row at Christmas I thought ‘Great, missing out. Again ergh’ but no. As I’ve found out there are a few British Brands that do both these cheeses pasteurised.

It’s the small things that make me happy.

6th November
Midwife booking appointment has finally arrived. Only felt like forever! Pregnancy is starting to feel a little real now. I’m not expecting much out of todays appointment but my main hope is I have the same midwife.

Soo back from the midwife, we have the same one! I’m so so happy. My booking appointment was so different this time it didn’t feel rushed and I had all my tests done which last time got done at my second appointment.

My due date has changed from what I predicted it to be but I won’t be sharing with you lovely lot reading this… Sorry ๐Ÿ™ˆ

There is a difference to how this pregnancy will be managed this time around as I will be going consultant led, due to my last pregnancy as Logan was born small and I had no waters. So this time they’re keeping a close eye on things and I may get extra scans which is super exciting but I can see us accidentally finding out the gender, which I really don’t want. I loved not knowing with Logan.

November 8th
I have this horrible feeling that something is wrong with the baby and I can’t shift it but Jonny also feels the same. I think as soon as we get a scan that’ll all change and this pregnancy will feel real and more enjoyable.

Man finding out early is daunting! You don’t know if that little bean inside you is okay until you see it. It all feels fake!

November 14th
WE’VE GOT A SCAN DATE!!!
I’m excited now, its not that long to wait luckily. Jonny didn’t see the 12-week scan with Logan so this time it’ll be lovely for us both to see the baby for the first time ๐Ÿ˜

Also I’ve suffered so bad with reflux this pregnancy but thank God that its starting to calm down now. **touch wood**

November 17th
Can feeling constantly ill kindly F off please?
I’ve been pretty much bed bond, I’m feeling nauseous, I have reflux and have zero energy. Logan is being an angel and playing independently and giving my lots of cuddles bless him.

Also what the hell is with lightening crotch feeling this early on! Who ever said your second pregnancy is easy you lied! This first trimester is grim. Hurry up and get to the ‘nice’ stage please.

November 28th
Its been a while since I’ve updated, but my symptoms have worn off a little, thank god. I have experienced a small bleed and some cramping but things seem to be okay, my belly has started to go firm now which is so weird! It seems so early. I didn’t show with Logan until I was 16 weeks.

We’ve also had some fab news, we have our first home and able to move in within the next few weeks! Exciting times ahead but damn, December is a busy month!!

December 7th
Symptoms have all worn off thank God! But this baby must be sitting on a nerve because my back is in agony daily. Never had this with Logan! So can already tell that this baby is going to be a diva.

Today we got to see our little baby, the scan was quick as this baby is super chilled out and wasn’t hyperactive like Logan was at his 12-week scan. The baby was measuring a bit small so my due date has changed. But my God the relief you have when you see that little baby on screen with its heartbeat flickering away is such a relief! I just love how clear the scans are, you can see all the obvious features. The nose and lips are the same as Logans which is so cute!
We did notice that the head shape is different to Logan, which is making me think my gut feeling is right! But we will soon see.

Logans 12 week scan

Baby Woodhead #2

December 12th

No point to this update other then sweets are life and so are chicken noodles…maybe not together. I don’t know I haven’t tried maybe I will. Right now this baby is craving noodles and sour sweets daily especially at 1 am… Not like I wanted to sleep anyway like what even is sleep? I’ve begun to forget because SUPRISE. Pregnancy has hit me with a bit of insomnia.

Oh, pregnancy is fun and games isn’t it? It was a smooth ride with Logan well I’ve sure got a bit of revenge this time, I may not have sickness or anything that others suffer with… But I’ll take a bad diet, bad reflux and no sleep that’s cool, can’t be too hard to keep this up for another 30 weeks or whatever we’re onto now.

Also, like what is it with the second baby? Not many people are that fussed or excited. I mean even I’m not keeping up to date on how far I am. If I’m completely honest I haven’t connected with the baby yet either…is that normal?

I blame hormones. Hormones are messed up.

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